Does love transmission have to involve touch?

I recently stumbled upon a post one of the teachers I love made, suggesting to use the body rather than words to communicate love and comfort. A lot of people reacted irritated saying they‘d check in first if touch was okay or they personally wouldn‘t want to be touched without consent or their love language wasn‘t physical. While all these considerations are more than needed in a setting where people don‘t know each other well, they can wreck a precious chance for intimate and sexual connection in a couple‘s dynamic.

To get one thing that confuses people out of the way: I‘m speaking of the kind of relationship that is consensual, non-abusive and built on trust. This is very important to keep in mind, because in polarity work we rarely talk about this vital premise, because it’s not functioning on the same paradigm. If people are upset about it, it’s usually because they‘re arguing from a point of view of psychology or trauma therapy. These modalities are important and I said it before and will say it again that to work on your traumas with a professional is a prerequisite to working with deeper teachings around sex and relationship. Because we dig deep in this work, we meet all those abandoned places in our bodies that have been frozen and stored there in moments of trauma. It can lead to retraumatization if we open up and dive deep in an unsafe relationship. 

That said, in the dance of masculine and feminine energies, both poles need to open up widely. What I mean by this is they have to open their hearts to the fullness of the moment, leave aside their stories of past hurt or future expectations and free fall into the here and now. Sounds like meditation? Well, it is! Differing in the fact that the goal of this work is to use the body and sexuality to fully embody consciousness in this existence, rather than transcending the body and anchoring consciousness in itself. It is helpful or I might even say necessary that everyone has a meditation practice outside of this work on their own, because it helps clarify and access that which we try to transcend in the work together: Our sh*t. So, we already have two prerequisites to this work:

1. Some kind of work to access awareness and healing of our inner child wounds (Somatic Experiencing or another kind of therapeutical bodywork is perfect).
2. A meditation or consciousness practice to learn focus and awareness.
If that doesn’t yet sound too exclusive for you, hold on...
In polarity work, It doesn‘t matter if the masculine energy is held by a female or male partner and the same is true for the feminine energy. It IS IMPORTANT though that one is holding the masculine and one is holding the feminine or there will be no polarity. Why do we need polarity? Because otherwise we have friendship with cuddling at the most, but no sexual attraction. Both energies have the potential to amplify their charge when faced with one another. If one person embodies highly feminine energy and the other embodies highly masculine energy, an immense force field can unfold, holding the possibility of creation itself. In this space, everything is amplified. The good, the bad, the ugly, the exquisite, the divine. And it happens in a way that is not subject to the dictate of our minds and sometimes crooked perception of ratio that we use in everyday consciousness. Once we really establish polarity, the feminine is buzzing with vital energy and possibility. Our bodies and souls are open to suggestion. We merge and travel to all those places that crave transformation in us. If and only if the masculine holds us, sees us and guides us. The gift to the masculine is a connection to their own heart and the a direct line of connection to the heart of the feminine. Like the meditator seeks to merge with the the object of his meditation like the goddess, in sacred sex, the masculine literally penetrates his „object“ of meditation which is the heart of the feminine. The masculine by nature is structure, presence, awareness and the feminine is energy, chaos, the fullness of life.

This fullness of course entails not only the pretty but also that which we culturally or personally judge as ugly. All the lost aspects of the feminine, the huntress, the sorceress, the Kali aspect of the divine feminine and all the stored experience of suppression and exploitation of the feminine will emerge, too. There’s beauty and energy to be found in this, too! Our bodies store past experiences so we can function and „survive“ in moments of trauma, but once that moment is over, they stay there like little capsules of dense energy. As recent science suggests, trauma is even passed down through generations and manifests in the bodies of people who haven’t experienced these traumatic incidents personally. So, when the feminine lets down its guard and surrenders their body and heart in lovemaking, the masculine will inevitably be drawn to these places of dense energy. It has the instinct to touch and melt them. He will literally melt them down with presence and love. His heart is his compass. He feels deep into the heart of the feminine and will know exactly what is required for energy to flow... He will never know which faces of the goddess he will encounter. Because the feminine is by definition the all, the feminine partner will not know themself. To go there anyway is exactly the kind of surrender that is required of the one holding the feminine pole. Trusting their own body as much as the masculine holding them, guiding them, penetrating them. This is the great work ancient alchemists were writing about. Transforming lead to gold is transforming stored pain into beautiful divine lovelight and flowing energy!

Referring back to the upset that post about transmitting love through the body stirred, I want to clarify another two things:

1. We are different in our erotic blueprints, ranging from energetic to sexual.
2. We are different in our abilities to learn and transmit and to receive with our body.

Both of these things are fluid but factual in a given moment in time. But our hearts CAN learn to feel into each other and our bodies CAN transmit love and comfort in exactly the way our partner needs to be able to receive it. This is the sacred path of the warrior of love, the sacred masculine which is refined by worshipping the feminine as sacred. And the sacred path of the Dakini, the feminine messenger of enlightenment through sexual energy. But these skills have to be learned and refined and in order to learn them, we have to practice in a safe setting. If for example my erotic blueprint is energetic and my man‘s is sexual, he will have a tendency to not give me enough space to create the kind of sexual charge I need for arousal. And he will probably have too little direct touch to be turned on and will also think that we spend too much time for foreplay. These are things we would need to talk about in a nonsexual setting. Within the forcefield of  polarity they‘re not so relevant, because the objective of the masculine is to feel into the heart of the feminine and do or don‘t do what THE MOMENT needs for deeper love to unfold. Not his needs or mine. It all becomes clear when we experience the difference. If the feminine is met where it is in that moment, it will expand. In the next moment, when it’s not met, it will close a bit. The masculine must develop unwavering presence to hold the feminine within the force field of polarity, because it is exactly those frozen capsules within the body and the soul that have the power to catapult both out of the force field OR to bring the deepest healing once they melt, sucking both poles deeper into love. Expect tears,shaking and huge amounts of energy flowing through the one embodying the feminine. Expect to unravel and melt down to blissful openness. And expect the masculine presence to expand into pure loving consciousness and the heart filled with love andworship for the beautiful energy and love light the feminine so openly shines. But before and after, tend to your own healing and the expansion of your consciousness around your neural programming and traumas. Work with a professional. It sucks to be limited by these things. We‘re actually wired for pleasure and we don‘t have time to waste, right?

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