Are we in or out of our bodies?

If you have already seen Mark Zuckerberg‘s latest video on youtube, you might have been left with a slight feeling of unease. I‘m not referring to the content of his speech, though it will serve the point I‘m trying to make later in this blog quite neatly. No, I’m referring to a more visceral feeling you might have experienced watching this man advertise the new direction he wants his companies Instagram,Facebook and WhatsApp to head towards. When he said something like we want to connect people, did you feel that in your body? Like, did you trust the man? I didn‘t. 

In the polarity work I do, there are tools to describe and analyze why we either trust someone or we don‘t. They are rooted in energetics, the science of body language and neuroscience. For a woman, or primarily female person (man or woman), to trust feels like a matter of survival, which is why their nervous system is specialized to detect signs of trustability or the lack thereof. The feminine in each of us, man and woman, needs to trust to open up and say yes to something, be it sex or a thought. That’s why public speakers often have coaches who teach them how to appear trustworthy. However, it’s still apparent if a performance is coming from a place of integrity or is merely a means to appear trustworthy for the sake of selling something.

Looking at Mark trying to explain what he wants people to buy into, I couldn‘t help but feel sorry for the man. If he were one of my clients, I‘d tell him up front that his body language, voice tone and gaze will never get him a woman. I‘d go on to explain to him that his hand gestures are too hurried and fast and his whole body is too bouncy and lifted from the ground for a female nervous system to feel safe. That his voice, though deep and loud, fails to feel masculine and relaxing, because it isn‘t sourced in his guts but rather pressed down from his throat to his chest where his hectic arm movements destroy the rest of the presence that we might have initially felt hearing his voice. The female part in us is the one that wants to trust to relax and open,to feel safe, to ground. For this to be possible, we need to feel the unwavering presence and integrity of a counterpart committed to hold this deeply masculine part. Otherwise, there is no polarity, everything is wishywashy and unsafe, chaotic and frustrating.... 

So, for a man (or person holding the masculine part in a given setting) to transmit presence and integrity and thus to invoke safety and trust in a female (=receiving) audience, be it the woman he loves or millions of potential customers, he must ground and relax his body, move slowly or not at all, feel with his open heart and focus his gaze. This is the male sexual art of the warrior and sorry Mark, you just can‘t learn this in a 10 day voice and body language coaching. This sort of divine masculine presence is a practice that requires that a man not only seeks access to his soul’s mission (I don’t doubt you have that...), but also has trained himself to ground into his own body, his heart, his feelings, his vulnerability and his feminine part. If you try to fake it, your performance will appear leaky and superficial. It’s what we see in the video. It feels weird and off...

I totally get that embodiment or being in the body is probably not something a person like Mark is fond of. Tech folks usually aren‘t. Yet, there‘s something more than personal or professional to this project he presented. I would argue it is something cultural, that might make Mark‘s vision seem appealing to many even though it is performed poorly and not rooted in trustworthy integrity. My theory is this: We, meaning humans who are currently not endangered by famine, war or lacking medical care, are more and more displaying a culture of glorifying being out of our bodies and are thus indeed a bunch of perfect customers for Mark‘s vision which is practically making all physical and embodied interaction obsolete. Let me explain...

If we scroll through Instagram, we see people use filters to hide their true faces. We see people display their trained to anorectic sizes bodies, priding themselves to live on vegan diets that lack vital components for a human body to function well through all stages of life including growth, puberty, pregnancy, postpartum, menopause, illness and old age. In fact, veganism is both, a very good example for this general glorification of disembodiment that I perceive in our culture and another trend of neglecting human nature that has been around for some two thousand years now: The demonization of sexuality, of lust and of sensuality in a broader sense. The christian church‘s paradigm. Or do you truly believe that the vegan yoga maven in her tight plastic pants and bralette with her „healthy glow“ from her clean plant based diet is having juicy sex or allowing her inner sorceress or sacred sl*t to come forth in intimacy? I don’t. 

For our north european ancestors, hunt, sacrifice, blood and sex all were considered sacred. Life was structured and spiced with sacred feasts where indulging in both, opulent meals of the whole human spectrum of nutrition, namely, animal meats, plants, and yes „dirt“ (=minerals and possibly bacteria that are healthy or at least training the immune system), and in sexual play of a wide human spectrum was not only allowed but encouraged.
Concluding, I can’t help but say that these days we don’t know how to eat and we don’t know how to f*ck! which is why probably a lot of people will fall prey to the absurd products of a company claiming to connect people while really promoting dissociation from their own body, their environment,  their own communities and the life circumstances of other humans around the world. Is this a brave new world or is it the leaky masculine paradigm 2.0? 

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